Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
