it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize