oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
