I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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