The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
