i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
