just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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