my room smells like sperm. sweet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
