I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
