we have pet lesbian snakes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize