Just fell off a train. Bad.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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