I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
