I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
