I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
