You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
