He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
