so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
