I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
