Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
FUCK WHALES
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
