Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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