please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
