The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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