If i come over, it means nothing
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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