meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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