Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
