TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
