i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
