Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
