booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
