I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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