I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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