Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
