Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
