Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
