Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just googled if crying burns calories
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
