You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
