UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
