ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's just like the Real World with babies
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
