At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
