So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
