well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
