Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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