you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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