ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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