glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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