I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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