the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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