The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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