so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So squirting runs in the family.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
