I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
