I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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