Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're a waste of cheezeits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
