apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
