what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
