It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
