Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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