God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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