Me. At least after what I've been through.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
