after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
nutella sex= disaster
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
