I'm so fucking centered right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
