So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
