Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
