I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
