i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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