Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am spending my child support on dildos
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
