3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
