I wish I could teleport
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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