what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
