I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
