there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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