dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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