dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
