"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
