My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
